From Feeling Free to Finding What Lasts
Introduction
This is my personal testimony of how God patiently guided me from comfort and distraction into conviction and transformation. Looking back, I can see His hand at work even when I didn’t recognize it at the time.
The Voice I Couldn’t Ignore
My personal experience with God began after I graduated from college.
After graduating, I moved out of state for my first job. For the first time in my life, I was completely on my own. I remember thinking, I’m free. I can live however I want.
That was my mindset during the week, but on the weekends something happened.
I would wake up with a strong impression — not an audible voice, but something just as distinct. It was like a thought placed clearly in my mind. Peaceful, firm, undeniable.
“Go find a church.”
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t emotional. It was steady and fulfilling — like something I knew I needed to do. This happened for three consecutive weekends. No matter how “free” I felt during the week, that same inner prompting returned.
Finally, one time when I went to church, a member approached me. He asked my name, where I was from, and what I liked to do. It was simple — just a conversation — but it changed everything.
I wasn’t invisible anymore, and church became important to me — not because someone forced me to go, but because I chose to go. More importantly, I had personally experienced God guiding me.
I knew He was real. But knowing that is only the beginning. I’ve learned that there is so much more to know about who Jesus Christ really is.
Living Two Lives
Church became my weekly routine — and it was a good one. I found a Bible class that encouraged me. The church became my family away from home.
But during the week, I lived like everyone else. Entertainment filled my time — movies, television, music, online games. It all seemed normal. The unspoken belief was simple: as long as I plug into church on the weekend, I’m doing okay. But was I?
Spiritually, I remained connected to church. But practically, it was the world that seemed to have the answers. I thought that:
- The right job would bring fulfillment.
- The right relationship would bring happiness.
- The right entertainment would bring satisfaction.
Looking back, I can now see that God was guiding me even then — even when I didn’t recognize it.
Busy, Blessed… but Not Truly Alive
Life moved fast. I got married, we had children, and responsibilities multiplied. From the outside, it looked like I was living the American dream — stable job, family, goals, progress. But beneath the surface, there were cracks. Some of my earlier choices were quietly affecting my relationship with God more than I realized.
I still attended church. I still believed. But inwardly, I kept a safe distance from fully trusting Jesus with my life. If I’m honest, I didn’t really trust God to lead it. My energy went into career success, activities, entertainment, and endurance races like Ironman and marathons. I was driven, disciplined, productive. Outwardly, I looked alive — active and accomplished — but spiritually something was fading.
In Revelation, Jesus speaks to a church that had a reputation for being alive but was spiritually empty. He says:
“I know your works, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead… Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain… for I have not found your works perfect before God.”
— Revelation 3:1–2 (NKJV)
In simple terms, they looked strong on the outside, but something essential was missing. That described my life perfectly. I wasn’t against God, and I wasn’t rejecting Him. I just wasn’t surrendered. I was comfortable — and comfort can quietly replace conviction.
Eventually, my first marriage ended in divorce. It was painful and humbling. When something that defines your identity falls apart, it forces you to look deeper than surface success. After several difficult years, I rebuilt my life and remarried. Through that journey, I began to understand something clearly: the most important things in life are not status, achievement, or entertainment, but God and family.
Yet even then, something was still missing. I believed in Jesus. I went to church. I tried to live responsibly. But I hadn’t made my relationship with Him personal. I knew about Him — I had not fully surrendered to Him. I thought my mistakes were bigger than He was.
When the World Stopped
All through those years, the Holy Spirit was quietly working on my conscience. I knew what the solution was. The Bible sat on a shelf at home, mostly unopened during the week.
Then COVID happened.
As uncertainty spread across the world, so did questions — and fear. When normal life paused, I did something different. I opened the Bible for myself — not casually, but intentionally.
I wanted to know where the truths I had heard my whole life were actually found in Scripture. The more I studied, the more alive the Bible became. In a world that suddenly felt unstable, God’s Word was solid. This was a truth I had known my whole life but had not truly grasped. But God knew.
A Changed Heart
What surprised me most wasn’t just that I understood more of the Bible.
It was that I was changing.
Before, I planned my evenings around television shows, online games, or training for the next race. I looked forward to the next episode, the next competition, the next goal. That rhythm felt normal.
But as I spent more time in Scripture, something subtle began to shift. The pull of those things started to fade — not all at once, and not because someone told me they were wrong. I simply began to see the difference between what is temporary and what is eternal.
The things I once centered my life around lost some of their shine. The things I once pushed aside — prayer, Scripture, quiet time with God — began to matter more.
It wasn’t forced.
It wasn’t guilt-driven.
It was transformation.
The Bible describes it this way:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
— Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
For years, I thought change meant trying harder. But that’s not what happened. I didn’t wake up one day with stronger willpower. I simply opened the Word of God with an open mind and asked Him to help me understand.
As I read, my thinking began to change, and as my thinking changed, my desires followed.
I didn’t stop conforming to the world because I forced myself to. I began to want something different because my relationship with Jesus became real and personal.
And when that happens, change isn’t a burden.
It’s natural.
What I’ve Learned
I used to believe freedom meant doing whatever I wanted. Now I understand that real freedom is aligning my life with the One who created it.
I used to believe success, relationships, and entertainment would bring lasting happiness. I chased them sincerely. But no matter how much I achieved, something always felt unfinished.
Then I began to understand what Jesus was actually offering. Not religion. Not rules. Not pressure. A relationship. A real one. The kind where you are known completely — and loved anyway, just like when that church member connected with me and asked me my name and what I did.
Jesus said:
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
— Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)
For years I tried to add “all these things” first and hoped peace would follow. It never did. But when I began seeking Him first, something changed. The peace came. The clarity came. The priorities came into focus.
What surprised me most was realizing this: Jesus wanted a relationship with me long before I ever wanted one with Him. Long before I cared. Long before I paid attention. Long before I surrendered anything. He had already given everything.
The Bible says God is love — not just loving, but the very source of love. God gives life. God restores. God sacrifices. Evil only destroys.
Jesus didn’t come to take from me. He came to save me — and He wants to save you. He gave up everything — even His own life — so that we could have eternal life with Him.
That is when heaven became real to me. Not just a place. Not just a reward. But being with Him.
As I studied the Word of God, I realized I didn’t just want success or stability. I wanted heaven — because I was beginning to know the One who would be there.
The more I have come to know Jesus, the more my life has changed — not because I am trying to be better, but because I am learning to trust the One who loves me more than I love myself.
What lasts is God.
What matters is family.
What transforms is His Word.
God is faithful and true.
All He asks is that we come to Him honestly, open His Word, and seek Him with a willing heart. He does the rest.
And then you can know that you want to spend eternity in heaven.